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Masturbation Slang

Many expressions often havea negative connotation. Given the societal taboo against masturbation, no wonder it's been expressed as flogging, beating, polluting, whipping, yanking, and "the secret vice." Psychiatrist Thomas Szasz MD notes, "masturbation is the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure." Or, as Woody Allen says, "Don't knock it, it's sex with someone you love."

Unisex Terms

wank, chuffed, wriggle, toss off, keep the census down, digitate, frig or friggit, hand fuck, beat off, hand job, pocket pool/pinball, touch myself or play with myself, spanked the monkey, wasted time, one-handed exercise, hand jive, audition the finger puppets, couch hockey for one, do handiwork, engage in safe sex, have it off, shaking hands with the governor, pulling your own weight, have sex with someone you love, hitchhike under the big top, get to know yourself, nerk your throbber, null the void, oil the glove, play a little five-on/in-one, play in a one-(wo)man show, play Uno, ram the ham, ride the great white knuckler, self abuse, shag, self-service, shake hands with the unemployed, solo sex, stir the yogurt, take matters into your own hands, take part in population control, test your batteries, the art of unisex, tickle my fancy, tweak your twinkie, wrist or arm aerobics, appropriate the means, backstroke roulette, exercise your rights, express yourself, fucking without complications, run off a batch by hand, manual override, master bacon, closing the deal, getting comfortable, getting in touch with my inner-self, hand to gland combat, single dingles, take yourself in hand, warming up the altar boys’ dinner, wax the Buick, whistling Dixie, winding the Wurlitzer, wrapping Grandma’s birthday present, summoning the Genie, negotiating a new contract, addressing Congress, forestalling the Waterpik purchase, expressing yourself, wrestling with your emotions, transferring data, Tweety playing with Sylvester, solitaire, tossing it, rendezvous with Mr./Ms.hand, rubbing the magic lamp, adjusting the fruit bowl, doin’ the Han Solo, jerkin’ Jabba’s chain, R2 your D2, flying the Millennium Falcon, toying with your Death Star, oil Boba Fett, using the Force, pat Yoda on the head, ignite the lightsaber.

Female Terms

Jill-off, finger or finger-fuck, monkey-finger or stinky-pinky (can also refer to digital anal penetration), power-up the pink Power Ranger, pet the bunny, sample the secret sauce, diddle, fondle the fig, rub off, rub the tub, kneading your dough, pet my pussycat, drilling for oil, take a dip in the lake, play the fiddle, play the pink oboe, sift through the nest to find mama bird, tweak your twiddle, bobbin’ Robin’s nobbin, play with the little man in the boat, pet the Wookie, make mama happy

Male Terms

whack/jack/jerk off, bludgeon the beefsteak or beef-stroke-it-off (stroganoff), beat it, beat my date, beat the stick/meat/dummy/baloney/bishop, pull pudding or make instant pudding, dating Rosie or Rosie Palm and her five sisters, meet Rosie Hancock, shock the monkey, play the skin flute, blow your load, boxin’ the bald champ, buff the banana, burp the baby or worm, butter the corn, choke Kojak/the chicken/the sheriff (then wait for the posse to come), clean your rifle, spank the frank, climb Mount Baldy, come into your own, made a milkshake, cook the cream of cock, corral the tadpoles, crank the shank, crown the king, battle the purple helmeted warrior of love, drain the monster, five knuckle shuffle, flog the dog/hog/mule/dong, genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion, get a date with Slick Mittens, give it a tug, go a couple of rounds with ol’ Josh, date Handrea or Palmela or Fisty Palmer, grease the pipe, converse with the one-eyed trouser snake, hold the sausage hostage, hump your hose, jack hammer, jazz/jizz yourself, nugget juggle, knuckle shuffle on the ol’ piss pump, make the bald man puke, mangle the midget, manipulate the mango, milk the cow/lizard, Onan’s Olympics, pack your palm, paddle or paint the pickle, peel the banana or chilies, diagnose your ManTool, tug-of-war with the Cyclops, please your pisser, plunk your twanger, polish Percy, polish the family jewels/the rocket/ the sword, pound the pud/bald-headed moose, pound your flounder, pull off or pull rank, pull the 5-knuckle shuffle or pull the cord/goalie/pole/pope/prick or pull taffy, pump the python, punchin’ the munchkin, rope the pope/pony, sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights, scour the tower of power, self-induced penile regurgitation, shake hands with your John Thomas, shake hands with your wife’s best friend, shemp the hog, shift gears, shine the helmet/pole, shoot putty, shoot the moon, shoot skeet, slakin’ the bacon, slap high fives with Yul Brynner, slap the clown/donkey/pud/salami, slappin’ Pappy, sling the jelly, snap the monkey/rubber/whip, spank the monkey/salami, squeeze the cheese/juice, stoke or stroke it, stroke the dog/one-eyed burping gecko/satin-headed serpent/your poker, tease the weenie, tenderize the tube steak, testing testicles, bashed the bishop, tickle the pickle, toss off or toss the turkey, twang plumbs, thump the pump, varnish the flagpole, wack the weasel/Willie/one-eyed worm, walk the plank/dog, wax your surfboard/dolphin/carrot, whip cream or whip the dummy or whip your dripper, whizzin’ jism, wonk your conker, wrestle the eel, wring out your rope, yank off or yank the crank/plank/yoyo, beat Pete, bequeath your genes, bleed the weed, bloating the vein, box the Jesuit, boxin’ the ballsack, break one off, buck the bone, buff the banana/wood, bust a nut, butter the corn, caulk the tile, charm the serpent/snake, check the oil, chong your schlong, churning butter, conking the Cardinal, converse with Harry Palm, cream the cheese, cream your corn/beef/jeans, crown the king, cuff the carrot, diddling the dinky, discipline your soldier, disobey the Pope, drain Charlie’s Dickens, educating Peter, empty the cannon, erupting Vesuvius, evicting the testicular squatters, facha la manuela, fire the flesh musket/hand-cannon/wobbly-warhead, fist kebabing, flick your Bic/dick, flog the log, flub the dub, free Willy, free the slaves, friendly fire, give it a tug, grease the pipe, gripping flipper, hacerse la manuela, hacerse la paj, hand work, a whack attack, hit on Rosy Palm, hitchhike under the Big Top, hump the horn, hold the bold, hold the Mayo, jackhammer, jack the joystick, jack your jizz, jack your monkey, Jack’n the beanstalk, jalarle el pescuez al ganso, Jerk the Turk, jerk your rope/noodle, juice your fruit, knock on wood, launching the tadpoles, lightening the load, lighting the candle, little pinky hit the slinky, make the bald man puke, manistrupation, manually assisted wet dream, maximize your potency, meet your right-hand man, messin’ with Moby, milk the maggot, one-eye target practice, one-man show, pack your palm, paddle the pickle, passing math, Pat the Robertson, perm your poodle, petting the snake, play your Willy wanker, play a solo on your meat whistle, play soapy Peter, please your pisser, plunk your twanger, polish your antlers/horn, polishing Charlie Brown, polishing Percy, pound the pelican, pow-wow the one-eyed redskin, prime the womb cannon, Puff the one-eyed dragon, pull off, pull the ducks neck, pump the monkey, pump the python, pumping at the self-service island, ride the great white knuckler, Rolfing the Piglet, rough up the suspect, running the whack-a-thon, Sailors’ joy or Salute the Sailor, sanding the banister, schplitzing your schmeckel, shake the snake/weasel, shakin’ hands with little Elvis or with Mr. Winkie or with the unemployed, shakin’ your own maracas, shifting gears, shine the barrel, shine your pole, shoe shine, shoot your squirt, shooting putty, shuffle the deck, siphoning the tank, slammin’ the salmon, slam the ham/salomi/spam, snuggle the nozzle, solo spit, spank the carrot/frank/tank, spank the wank, spit one off or spit the seeds, sprayin’ the spectators, sprinklin’ the lawn, squeeze the cheese, squeezing the cream filling from the twinkie or squeezing the creamy filter, squeezing the squid, squirt one off, squirtin’ Burton, stroking Steven/Scooby, stroking the schlong, stroke your ego, taffy pulling contest, taffy tugging, take a beating, take a load off, take ol’ stiff neck to the movies, teach your dog to spit, tease the weenie, test the flashlight, thump the pump, tickle your pickle, torment the trouser trout, toss the ham javelin, train the love porpoise, tugging the tapioca tube, tuning the fork, twirl the squirrel, unleash the fury, unloading passengers from the five-car train, wanking one-eyed Willy, wanking the one-eyed wonder worm, wasting babies, wave the wand, wax the candle stick, wax the womb broom, whack little Mac, whack your Magic Johnson, whip your dripper, whipping your Willy, wringin’ the towel, yang your wang, yank off, yank the yam, yank your wank, Yankee your Wankee, chafing at the bit, peeling some chilis, 5-knuckle shuffle, making fist-kabobs, sending out the troops, tugging on the tapioca tube, in medical terms "having a little stroke", teaching your children to fly, getting Putz Pez, sliding the shaft, unstabling the stallion, upgrading your hardware, bachelor’s shuffle, wanker the anchor, burping the chipmunk, singing with Rosie, strumming the ol’ banjo, fucking Palmala, shaking hands with the unemployed, whipping the baloney pony, shuffling the palm tree, turning the earth worm into a spitting cobra, draining the one-eyed monster, stroke the bloke.

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