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D's and BDSM Terms

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Brat: a submissive style that frequently tests a Dom's boundaries, rules and limits.


(a) A style of D/s where all parties submit to Al and Tipper Gore

(b) A style of D/s based on an entertaining and imaginative, but woefully pedantic and redundant series of books by John Norman.


(a) Horny Net Geek.

(b) Revenue source for AOL.

(c) See also: SNERT.

Humpasaurs: General pains and muscle discomfort brought on by poorly executed sexual activity.


(a) Internet acronym for "In My Opinion."

(b) Sour cream substitute

Mentoring: Mentoring is often confused with training - primarily by sleazy Doms claiming to be mentors. An all-too-often occurrence is that the sleazo-Dom uses the "mentoring" relationship to gain trust, and then exploits the trust by trying to tryst.

This gives mentoring a bad name.

While both mentoring and training involve the transfer of knowledge, there are several differences. First - training almost always involves direct physical contact, often of an erotic nature. Mentoring may never require physical contact, and is not done for erotic gratification. The non-erotic nature of mentoring is the key difference between mentoring and training.

Mentoring allows singles to explore without the pressure of actually "doing", and allows people in relationships to explore issues with someone other than their partner.

Disclaimer: Some folks say that whipping (and other Top/bottom SM type activities), under that definition, could be considered "mentoring", because it's non-erotic. IONSHO (In Our Not-So-Humble-Opinion) , folks who insist that there's no "erotic" element to whipping are kidding themselves. But that's a whole 'nother question, isn't it?

Mentoring presupposes a long-term relationship. There is no such thing as a twenty-minute mentor. Training can be for a single "scene", or even a phone or cyber hot chat. A mentor makes a commitment to be "there" for questions, answers, issues and long discussions over months or years.

Finally, because mentoring does not require a physical, intimate relationship, it can take place regardless of whether the participants are male, female, top, bottom, Dom, sub, or het, gay, or hermaphrodites.


What happens to subbies when they behave badly. Notice we didn't say what happens to "bad" subbies, because... hey, there really isn't any such thing as a "bad" subbie, is there? Of course not...

The term "punishment" is often used to describe recreational spankings, floggings, etc. Here on the page, however, we use it to mean negative stimulus (or stimuli) the submissive must endure as a consequence of her behavior(s).

Note that we only punish misbehaviors, not "bad thoughts" or "bad feelings". If you punish for "thoughts and feelings", you'll force your sub to be emotionally dishonest with you. Though "mind control" can be a tempting fantasy... its not a suitable basis for a D/s relationship.

Now, back to punishment. A good punishment acts as a deterrent while instructing and motivating. Therefore, recreational spankings can hardly be considered punishment. Many submissives enjoy a good spanking - and a masochistic submissive can enjoy floggings, whippings, and more. However, the same amount of physical sensation can be applied with different attitudes and techniques to change a delightful erotic experience into something that even the masochistic the submissive does not like at all.

But you thought masochists enjoyed pain? Well, think about it: do you REALLY think ANYONE gets off on going to the dentist? Nope, not even those masochists. Well, maybe one, from "Little Shop of Horrors" where Steve Martin played the dentist... but that's really another story.

SAM: A popular acronym for a "Smart Assed Masochist". Folks who enjoy spankings just a wee bit more than they enjoy serving. Similar to a "Brat" in that the style frequently pushes the Dom's boundaries, rules and limits, but different in that the PURPOSE of the pushing is intentially to get a well deserved session of corporal attention (typically a spanking).

Slave: A device you screw on the bed to get your housework done.


(a) Snot Nosed Egotistical Rude Teen.

(b) Sadomasochistic Nerd and Enemy of Real Timers

(c) Sub Normal Education Requires Training

See also: HNG.

Submissive Scale:

(a) A measure of "how submissive" someone is.

(b) Something on which you weigh your submissive. If you don't have a regular scale handy, other kinds of scales can be used. One example is the "food scale": what she eats to determines her size/desireability:

Carrots and lettuce - she's too thin.
Steak and potatos - she's just right.
Hay and peanuts - she's too fat.

Sub Space:

(a) What a submissive gets when she decides she's had enough and move out into her own apartment.

(b) A very special feeling some submissives achieve. Some believe that sub space is a form of "endorphin high" that comes from extensive, well performed BDSM play, as a result of the physical stimuli (pain/pleasure) the submissive has received. Others view it as a feeling of extreme connection between the sub and her Dom.

(c) A medium used to transmit radio waves through the galactic voids on old science fiction TV shows and movies.


(a) A convenient excuse for thwapping someone.

(b) A way for an otherwise unsuccessful Dominant to get laid (as in "Yeah, baby, I'm gonna teach ya, oh yeah, yer gonna learn, uh-huh, yeah, this is training, yeah, you'll be really trained now, just lay back and enjoy it, yeah, just tell me how you like it, darlin', that's the way it's comin' at ya, oh yeah, you'll be trained now... ooh yeah, I'm the conductor of THIS train, CHOO-CHOO!!!...")

(c) In the context of this particular Web Page: Teaching or instruction in the how to's of D/s, BD, or S/M. Materials covered and time frame are agreed on in advance. More than simply "demonstrating" technique, a "trainee" should be gaining insight and understanding regarding the practical and emotional issues surrounding the topic at hand.

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